I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
