i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
