Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
