Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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