Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
its liver damage thursday
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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