There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She needs sedatives and a leash
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
