i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
