Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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