I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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