I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
