If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
