Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
