WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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