Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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