they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
