i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
