He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
