On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
