this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
