I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Let's get the cat blown out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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