This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
