You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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