we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
