life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
