I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
