Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
