dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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