all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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