just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
