Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
