Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
