so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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