porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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