Yo dont text me then not text me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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