when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
