Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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