Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
