What a fucking waste of an outfit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
