I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
