i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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