Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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