why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
