I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
