I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The air was thick with penises
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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