I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
