best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
