i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
