There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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