good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
