I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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