Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
