I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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