My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
