found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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