Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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