You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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