Operation Purity has been aborted
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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