Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
