Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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