If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me