Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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