Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....