they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
