She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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