Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked