my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.