When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.