if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions