Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
