Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
