meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i came on her dog
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
