he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
