I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
