This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
