His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
