Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
