i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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