we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
