would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
