There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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