How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
